“Ano kaya tayo kung wala itong dalawang ‘to?” Hasmin asked me referring to our two sleeping boys, Kuya Euan and Miguel two nights ago.
Without batting an eyelash, I answered, “Mas masaya.” And i am telling you, these lashes are long and dark and sexy, and these two boys got them lashes from their papa. But that is beside the point. The point is, I wasn’t lying. That was my first thing in mind, the brain to mouth action that at i have to defend, else, i’ll just say, “I am Abet, of course, that’s a joke.”
However, it was not. I do believe that Hasmin and I would be happier if that “what if” were today’s reality. And I should defend it not to anybody but to myself. Why could i have instinctively given that conclusion?
One would be my being a Sagitarrian. I am a free spirit, and as of the moment, these two kids are keeping me trapped. Not their fault, but as my my decision. Not because I want to be a good father, but because i want them to be good people someday. And it bores me to think of other people and not of myself. Yes i am selfish.
Sagittarian = Selfish.
Second, being a parent was never really in my dreams. I never had lots of dreams either. It is actually safe to say that unlike the some people in Les Miserables, the song “I Dreamed A Dream,” does not fit me. I am more of an “On My Own” guy, or person to be gender sensitive. I never had a dream. Things fall down into places for me. I don’t know if they are in the right places though, but they fall in places, wherever those locations are. However, not having a dream does not mean not having ideas of things that i don’t want to be. Like I don’t want to be a pilot. I mean that would be great, but it just did not fly into my mind. Maybe because not having a dream means not having a plan. Plans change, as of my experiences and it is frustrating. I just adapt and i am very good in doing so. But not planning. However, these two boys are requiring me to have that plan.
Dreams = Plan ≠ Like.
Third, for it should come in threes, sour graping is not my thing. Sour graping is a joke, my kind of joke, along with sarcasm and blasphemy. Just like when asked if it was okay for a groom to agree to have a gorgeous hunk strip off his clothes on his bride’s bridal shower. That that guy would be compared to him, his looks, his abs, his package, entire package. And i said, “Okay lang. Yang mga lalaking ganyan ang itsura, walang kinabukasan. Kaya nga sila kolboy.” That was a joke, a hasty generalization of the inggitero that i am. But reality is, sour graping is for losers whose lines are “nanalo nga sila pero nandaya naman,” “maganda nga, masama naman ang ugali,” and “sila na nga, pero maghihiwalay rin ‘yan.”
Contrary, my case now made me no loser. I feel so much blessed with these little monsters. They made me believe that a smile can really ease all the worries in the world and a hug can erase any self doubts in this crazy planet even for a moment. I am not saying that i am no, no loser. I win some, i lose some. I have had both, but whatever, i have my prize now. Two major prizes waiting for me every time i come home.
Yes, I could be travelling the world, or South East Asia to be more believable. I could be buying on spendthrift stores and first hand shops. I could be hugging and snuggling and having great trucks with Hasmin in her never been pregnant shape in an IwanTV manner, which is Anytime, Anywhere. That would be happier, a so much happier thought. But i am happy right now. And that is enough. See, I am selfish. But i am not greedy.
Sagittarian = Selfish ≠ Greedy.