FB Homily: Doors, why do they have to be Doors?

“close some doors today. not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere”

Facebook gave me another moment of silence after showing me this Paulo Coelho quote. First of all, I am not a big fan of Paulo, though i read his works. The Alchemist was my first, and while the book is truw to some, its magic doesn’t work for me. I am not like the Alchemist, the universe haven’t conspired for what i want. I am more of Arthur Golden’s Sayuri, full of water, which carries me to what i would eventually want. Not so ideal, but it has worked for me for a while now.

Though i tried being an Alchemist once. i had wished with all my heart for the universe to conspire and give this one impossible moment. It was a mere physical goal which i thought would fill an emotional need eventually. Planets revolved, rotated, retrograded and do the things they do best, like hide aliens, and with this dream, i had my heart broken, beaten, buried and all the things but stop beating. Until finally, they cosmos aligned and kiss me with that wish. But that kiss was just a kiss. Everything was void after that, making my inside an abyss, just staring back at me. 

Then i just stayed with that emptiness until that unknown ocean sent me to the shore. I stood up and decided to let everything flow, and let my self go as it goes. And i made it this far after that dark night in my soul.

Moving on, i decided to say sorry to those i hurt when i myself was hurting bad. I stepped on too many feet, minding not their pain, for i thought no pain can match what i was feeling then. Being a victim gave me pride and arrogance. Good thing for me, my friends were forgiving. I was a door that no one of them, as far as i know, tried shutting close. And just like them, i am keeping my past as open doors. 

Yet this particular person seemed to close his door on me. He is a particular person, yes, because he mattered so much, that after that last walk together, the walk where he turned left, and i, right, we have never collided again, and i so want us to clash, because only then when we can coincide once more.

And so i am keeping him as an open door, no pride, no incapacity, no arrogance involved. I am keeping every door on my past open after all. i might have to pick up something there once in a while, or i might have left a thing or two that i need to get back. I’ll let them close them doors for me, but i will always be knocking on them if i need to. After all, no roads leads to nowhere. And if a door opens up to nothing, remember that the Little Prince believes that what is important is invisible to the eye.

 

 

PS

unless, nowhere is a proper name of a city, country or whatever place like Nowhere City or Nowhere Convenience Store, then some road leads to Nowhere.

 

 

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